Here we go again.

I once got yelled at because I was told that I never have normal days and that not everyday can be "crazy" or "super stressful". That everyone has to have just normal days. Well folks, today was a normal day. Nothing was great and nothing was bad. It was just normal. Went to work, had lunch, went to class, watched some movies, and now here I am at the computer working on my blog. A very normal day.

The sad thing is that all I can think about is backpacking. I even took Backpacker Magazine to class. I need to hit the trail.

Not All Who Wander Are Lost.

Rule #1

I don't like to think that life has any real rules to it. If life has rules then we have a code we need to follow and as a backpacker I just really think that we should be able to wander with a free mind and a free spirt. Yet, this morning I realized that life should have one rule that eveyrbody needs to follow. Are you ready? Your sure? Ok, here we go. Marcus' Rule #1 for life. If it is raining and you can head the rain drops hitting anything outside you should be able to stay in bed for as long as you want. I was not allowed to follow such rule this morning as I work 8am-noon on fridays and it makes me rather sad. Rain and being in bed are two things that just go together. It makes for a moment in time when everything stands still and relaxation takes a hold over the body. A short moment of bliss.

I went out to the club last night. It was a good time but I don't think that it will happen every week. I didnt get home till late and as I stated I have to get up pretty early in the morning to make it to work on time. Also, I hate how when you get back all of the clothes that you threw on smell like beer, smoke, and that gross dude who bumped into you on the dance floor. I wonder if I am just getting older. Not in the physical way but in the I want to go to bed at 10:30 pm kinda way.

Ok as I am at work I should prob. get some stuff done. Thanks for reading.
~Me

Walking Walking Walking

Sorry for the lack of posts... busy few days. Life has gotten better since my last post. I realized that what I thought was really important can't be prepared for or set in stone. Life is like a river in the way that you know that it flows and you can try and work with that motion but in the end you have no idea what is around the next bend.

I have found my flow and am just riding the river until it bends. Some bends are good and some are bad but you just have to take it as it goes. I do really miss doing stuff outdoors. It would be great just to go do some camping. I might throw something together for sunday to monday.. who knows.

Not All Who Wander Are Lost... but to wander one must want to be free. Must be able to spread their arms wide and yell "this is me. I am not what you want me to be" then hit the trail.

~Me

Hmph.

Kinda in a not so great place right now. Moving back to Adrian was really great when I first did it. I was pumped to see my friends, move into my room, hit the books hard like I did at Oxford, and who knows maybe even go on a date or two. While, most these things have happened ( well not even half) I just can't get out of this funk I have been in the past few days. I don't want to call it depression because that makes it sound way worse than it really is. More of a constant thought of questioning.

As a philosophy major this might seem like a good thing. We are trained to always question what is going on around us so that we can have a better understanding of the way things really are but I can really only take so much. I know that I don't really have that much control over what happens around me but it just seems that so many people have their shit together way more then I do. I have no job plans... none...all old plans are gone as of today. My friends are starting to get married, engaged, or otherwise reconnect or hold long term relationships. Soon (next five years) I'm going to start to see children... little people that look like friends. I on the other hand cant even remember where I left my car keys 5 days out of the week let alone hold a relationship. I used to accept this as having a "traveler's spirit" one who never gets tied down because others hold him back. I realized that its a bunch of bullshit to make myself feel better.

Also I find myself stuck in a kind of limbo about who I am and who I want to be. I want to be a ton of different things and I find that who I am is much less interesting. Someone please give me some directions. A TomTom for life is much needed. Yet, at the same time I just want to be left alone.

To Wander or not to Wander... that is the question.

yeah

Its 4:30 in the morning and I wish that you could see how sad this is. I mean really this might be an all time low for me. I am a child in the body of an adult. A child in the body of an adult...

crap...

I am 21 years old and still a child..... how sad is that.

Wise Sage or Foolish Gorilla?

Man it has been one day of pain. I have been at work since 8 am and on my feet all day long. What I was not being so smart about is that even though I knew that I was going to be on my feet all day long I thought today would be a great day to break in my new pair of work boots. Thus, my feet are bleeding and I think I am going to have to buy a new pair of socks. Today was fresman move in day which means my job was to fight with parents and again lose hope that Adrian College lets people though its doors that have the inteligence to open a banana. To make matters worse it was out of this world hot day and thus I smell and feel nasty.

On another note I was asked to give some advice today. Well, I'm not sure that asked is the best way to put it but I gave advice and in retrospec I'm not so sure that it was my place to give. Who knows... all you can do is speak your mind and hope that it matters.

I still have 1:15 min of work left... crap.

Well I guess I am going to throw out two posts in one night. Work is slow and my mind seems to be turning at a fast pace. I can't figure out some things. First, I think that going to Oxford was like a drug. I went and I had an experience that I know can't be replicated without...well Oxford. I cared about my studies there. I have always cared about what grades I got while at AC but at Oxford it was so much more then the grade it was the knowledge and the power that came with having that knowledge. Here we go to class and cram our brains with facts about the subjects of our picking. After the information has been given we never use it or we only use it with other people who are in out study. This is not the case at Oxford. At Oxford you need to be a jack of all trades if you are going to be able to even sit in on the pub talk that takes place 7 days a week, 365 days a year. I crave that conversation. I want to be surrounded by people who are the top of their classes and be looked at as someone who can sit eye to eye with a stranger and be thought of as an equal. The sad thing is that I know this is not going to take place in Adrian. Here we talk about video games, girls (most of the male conversation about such I find crude), and if we get lucky a drop of politics. Professors here (at Adrian) are the best but getting a drink and just talking is hard as most worry about what is going to happen to them if someone finds out they are spending time with a student out of the classroom. It just seems like for being "the land of the free" our lives are very controlled by outside influences.

PS> I must say I am sorry for the beer poems. I was not myself and feel bad about the sexist nature found in the one. Yet, I don't think taking them down is a good thing as they provide an example of what I need to be more observant about.

Not All Who Wander Are Lost.

So Sleepy I Wanna...Sleep

Man I am whipped. One full week of Safety Training and I feel like I need to sleep for a few weeks just to get my energy level back up. Overall, it has been nice getting back to the life I live here at Adrian College but at the same time I feel like I changed so much over the summer and that I just didn't have as much time as I wanted to spend and reconnect with my friends back home. Moreover, now that I have my work times all made up and am seeing how much time ATO is going to eat I feel like I wont be able to see them as much as I want to. It really is hard to balance two lives. Well its more like three lives as I had a life at Oxford that I want to keep but don't think many will except.

On I side note I went to the bar last night for an hour and had a better time then I thought I would. So that is a positive.

Much Love
~Me

Back at Adrian.

Yup I am back in Adrian.
Another year, another chance to figure out what I want to do once I leave the academic walls of Adrian college. All I want to do at this moment is sleep as I have been in safety training all day and my right shoulder is acting up which does not make me to happy.

My room looks bad ass.

A beer making poem for Brad

Damn it Brad!
Four hours ago we sat on this very couch
Watching a man we wish we were
Make a beer from the heavens

So we left
And went to the Beer Depot
Where we realized our calling from
THE ALL MIGHTY LORD (THIS COULD BE JESUS)

We started our new craft
Our souls are filled with inspiration
You would scream out in joy
in exotic ecstasy as our product brewed

Through tears, pain, and smiles
We watched as a pot of water became a tool
A tool to get smiles on cold hearted women
A tool to get friends to speak words of wisdom

Hours came and hours went
But in the end we were kings
Kings of the brew
Kings of the sweaty, passion filled nights to come.

Bring on the strawberry flavored condoms...... bitches

A beer making poem for Justin

Oh my Justin
We sit here
On this couch of love
Talking, joking, smiling
doing things that many boys do
this is making beer

The aroma of beer making products
fills my sexually aroused nostrils
like a lion in heat
Oh sweet beer
Oh elixir of love
TAKE ME! TAKE ME NOW!
Take me to the woman of my dreams
and give her your sexual power

I know pull myself out of this dream
And realize that Justin is watching me
Seeing my hard, firm, hypnotic gaze
I feel odd
out of place
I need to make more beer.

Tattoo Ideas.

So I have been wanting a tattoo for some time now so I came up with some images that I think would make nice ones. Tell me what you think.

Options:






Tell me what you think. I'm not sold on one of them yet but I think they look cool. The tree is the celtic tree of life which represents the start and the finish and a connection with all living things. The wings are to represent my Nighthawks. My closest and longest friends who like the tree will be with me till the end.

Off Track.

Today it seems that I am in a bit of a slump. Not really sure what set it off but for some reason I just got put in a sour mood tonight. It got to the point where the smallest things would just drive me mad. I think that I just need to move back into my own place so that I can have my space to relax and get away from the rest of the world.

I really am looking forward to getting back into the classroom. I feel like now that I am back from Oxford that I should still be learning. I guess that I have taken a larger interest in Eco based issues since I got back stateside but there is only so much you can learn outside the classroom.

Ok Bed Time

Many Paths

Sometimes it is funny how life will throw you a curve ball every once in a blue moon. First I must update that the jam making possess went very well. We made over 50 jars of jam and both kinds taste wonderful. I was going to make some more today but i got kinda jammed out and I wanna wait for a friend of mine to get home so that we can do it together.

Ok curve ball time. So I have been thinking about how I don't really have a direction to my life right now. I wanted to travel and I did that this summer and it opened my eyes to a ton of things but long term I am a bit torn. Yeah sure I want to own a house that I can share with a few of my friends but if I do that I am limited to where I can work and what kind of job I can have (international stuff goes out the window). Sure I want to own a backpacking store but if I do that am I really helping the world around me? With all the problems in the world I feel like I should be helping to fix one of them. It seems that the only thing I know for sure is that my jeep wrangler will be by my side. Thats not to much to be banking on when you only have one more year of college left.

So today I get this e-mail from a college in Michigan that says one of my profs from Adrian has sent in my name to go to this grad school of a masters in leadership with emergency response as the focus. Its a really cool program and it would only take me two years to do but I would have to move out of this are and prob go to DC when I finish the program. So it has a lot of stuff that needs thought around it. Talk about a job that would make you feel like you give back and it would let me travel more.

I think I just need to find a path. Then again...
Not All Who Wander Are Lost

PS..
If I ever go into big business and end up selling car insurance or some bullshit like that please shoot me on the spot.

Should this bug me?

So this morning I was going to the farmers market in Saline with the whole family to get some more supples for jam making and my sister called me a "green freak". Not a big deal as she said it in joking and I replied "Yeah I guess I am". I mean I care about the planet and try to leave a small impact on it. Hell I even own reusable bags for when I go to the store to pick up food. I think living in Europe played a role in my eco-awareness as well. Then my dad and sister teamed up on me saying that global warming was a joke. I have to be honest when I say that I thought most college educated people would think global warming was real. It was just kind of a shocker to me that people still think it is "made up science".

I think what hit hard is that these people are my family. I wonder how they are going to take it when I leave college and start taking Yoga classes and the such. I mean I don't want them to think I'm some kind of eco nut job but at the same time I wanna be able to be myself and that means buying eco friendly food and enjoying the young educated "hippy" culture.

Questions Questions

Yeah I'm Jammin'

So tonight I made a ton of Jam with my mother and father. I thought it was going to be super lame as my little sister is going out to a party tonight and I the 21 year old was staying home with the folks but it turned out to be a really fun time. We started off by mashing 4 kinds of fruit together (I would tell you what they were but the jam turned out so yummy I think it might be a family secret now). Then we went and got drunk over at some family friends. I think that getting a bit buzzed really does help the jam making process. When your sober all you can think about is how hot it is while making the jam but when your drunk all you care about is not fucking up the jam cuzz your drunk. Over all we made 27 jars of jam which should last us till next year.

Tomorrow holds more jam making in store which means it should be a pretty fun day. We have picked our drink of choice (gin and tonic) to get us through the day and peach jam is our fruit to make into the perfect compliment to toast. Now if only I could find a girl who would think i was sexy while making jam shirtless....

Not All Who Wander Are Lost.